It's been a while, things have been going well. The scar is visible but disappearing, I've been running faster than ever, riding my bike, doing strength work and I started swimming too. I have been really good about working out except when I get sick which has been more frequent than normal. Cold, flu, strep throat, you name it. If it goes around, I seem to get it. I still get out of breath faster than I should and last weekend when I ran, I hurt my hip. And this is when you start hearing the violins - I had strep throat over Thanksgiving and lymph nodes swell when you get strep throat. But it has been 5 weeks and the nodes are still swollen so I spoke with my Endocrinologist and he had me get an ultrasound because the swelling is on the same side that the cancer nodules were on. The Ultrasound was yesterday morning and on the drive home from the appointment my Endocrinologist called to let me know that he wants me to have a biopsy because the ultrasound revealed a nodule that needs to be checked out. It is suspicious for metastatic disease, it has micro-calcifications, it is 1.0 x 0.6 x 0.6 cm and it is new since the ultrasound that I did in September (4 months away). Until the biopsy results come in, I shouldn't worry but that is hard. If it is a recurrence, then how can Thyroid cancer be a slow moving/slow growing thing? Does that mean I would need to have another operation, my third within the year? Should I have RAI now and if not, why not, I think I might need it. Anyway, I will stop for now and let's see what the biopsy shows.
The new nodule is malignant and it needs to come out. That means I will have my third operation in less than a year.
Appointment with the Endocrinologist next week and with the surgeon the following. When I made the appointment with the surgeon, I told the nurse that I was a frequent customer and do I have to wait until after the late Jan appointment for my surgery to be scheduled? She kind of giggled then said that she would hold a spot for me.
When the Endo called with my results, I wasn't shocked though I was bummed. But it really hit me when I had to leave a message for the surgeon & the outgoing message was "you have reached the Helen Diller Cancer Center..." Before surgery #1, when I met my surgeon, I remember being shocked that she was based in the Cancer part of the hospital. Which goes to show how deep in denial I was about what was going on. Anyway, I left a message requesting an appointment & then went to the bathroom at work, waited until it sounded like I was alone then let myself cry. When I had enough of that (by the way, I don't cry very often) I grabbed a bunch of tissue & went outside to call Paul, eyes downcast so nobody could see how red my eyes were. By the time I got outside on a perfect San Francisco Summer in January day - 70 degrees, not a cloud in the sky, I was feeling better. I tell him what Dr Woeber told me "it is malignant and it needs to come out so I sent a referral to Endocrine surgery but don't worry, it's tiny" then he asked how I felt and I completely lost it and cried again. It was mostly out of feeling sorry for myself. I am less than one year into a job that I love and will have to take even more time off for a third operation. I know things could be worse & I have it really great compared to so many others but in that moment when he asked, I indulged in that feeling sorry for myself. So he told me that he would meet me at home in an hour and take me to lunch. So I stopped crying and I said that I couldn't because I had meetings and he said so do I but I will cancel mine, you can cancel yours. Will you do that for me? So I did, and he took me to a great new restaurant I had been wanting to try and had a chocolate milkshake! Then he said let's go to the beach so we went home, grabbed the dog and went to Limentour Beach on the perfect most beautiful day. It was absolutely wonderful. And believe it or not, I fell asleep happy.
